standing still

it's been a little over a month since my heart was shattered.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

I have no idea who I am.

I had been dominic and alicia for so long that I lost myself and I can't find my way back. I'm just standing still. stuck. I don't miss him, but I miss everything else. I miss my life.

everyone says what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but this has killed me. I seem okay on the outside but there is nothing left inside. I have nothing left. every ounce of what I once was has been stolen from me, or damaged beyond repair. I'm just an empty shell, going through the motions. I pretend to be okay because I don't want people to worry about me. I don't want to see pity in there eyes, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to be... just let me stand still in this moment until I figure out where to go. Don't judge me because of what I'm doing, because I don't know what I'm doing. I just need everyone to stop. back off and let me be whatever I am right now. Don't tell me I'm making mistakes, don't tell me not to go out drinking or whatever. just stop. just let me be. let me make my mistakes because without them I won't move and I'll be stuck forever.

I just can't worry about people worrying about me. I'm not in a place where I care. and people worrying about me and what I'm doing is not okay right now. just stop! everyone!! I need to do this on my own. I need to feel this way. I need to lose control, I need to make mistakes, I need to fall, I need to do whatever gets me through the day...