so the daily didn't last...

bleh. things have been hectic in my life.

this will not be in any kind of order because I can't keep track of anything these days. 1. bf will be losing his job. 2. bf hates my family sort of. 3. in the office by myself all day. 4. having horrid neck pain the last few days. 5. no money to pay avon. I'm short $100.00 bucks. I placed my order but it will be cancelled if I don't pay in ten days, and who knows when it will ship. 5. have to ask my parents to borrow money to pay avon. 6. tired of selling avon. 7. just tired. 8. have new stuff done for my website, have pictures, but haven't posted anything because I have no more materials to re-make them. 9. need money. 10. need good sleep. 11. need to place an order to shipwreck beads and oriential trading so i can continue making stuff. 12. need to find a way to get out of debt faster. 13. money = evil. 14. i'm always freezing. 15. think i could be getting the ick.

bleh

yesterday was just not a good day. I was tired all day and I've been stressed out lately. every other month my boyfriend might get laid off and it hangs over our heads everyday. He is stressed. I'm stressed. it's a bad situation.

I just need to get away from my everyday life for awhile. unfortunately, that is not going to happen anytime soon.

ugh I hate money. money is ruining everything. it's making me miserable. I wish we didn't need money. money sucks.

hopefully today goes better than yesterday.

ugh..

so nothing went today as planned, but it's okay. I'm just stressed because of my lack of money. money is really starting to ruin my relationship and I feel like there isn't anything I can do about it, I'm stuck. What kind of job can I find when I work from noon to 5? I'm sorry but these are scary times and I'm not trying to get off of work late at night.

I'm really hoping my jewelry and stuff takes off so I can bring in some much needed extra money. Even if my hours went up I would only be making enough to pay my bills and my student loans. My life sucks. I'm miserable. I keep everything in and now I'm just falling apart...my life is falling apart, and I feel like there is nothing I can do. mostly I'm worried about my student loans. I have horrible credit so I can't consolidate my loans with one of the few options I have...I might as well just default on my loans since my credit sucks anyway... yeah right. my boyfriend would never marry me then. he's so concerned about money all the time and how my bad credit score will effect him.

I officially hate my life right now. :/

ugh

today was definitely a monday. my day started out blah and errands were blah work wasn't too bad, at least I had someone to talk to, bf came home blah, cat is driving me nuts blah.

today was just a blah day. I'm not a happy camper. I don't want to do anything or go anywhere tomorrow, but I have to. I need to deposit my check. I need to get rid of the boxes here and take them to the rents. I need to deliver Avon orders. I need to get gas. I need to cut out fabric for drawstring bags. I need to finish my cross embroidery. I need to finish the cupcake embroidery. I need to take pictures of my new jewelry. I need to make more jewelry.

bleh. so much to do, not nearly enough time or money.

case of the mondays

I cannot get going this morning. I just want to crawl back into bed and sleep all day. I didn't get anything done this weekend, so I'm not in the greatest mood, plus I am getting an overdraft fee, so that makes it worse. Plus, I'm cold. :/

I so have a case of the Mondays as you can tell by my complaining. lol. I hate mondays. mondays signal the end of the weekend, and I love weekends, most of the time.

I have to run to the bank and the post office, drop off avon books, then head to work. I was planning on being at the bank at 9 but I have hardly moved from my spot on the couch, and decided that I would just go before work, so I wouldn't have to make extra trips. ugh.

I need to make more money. I cannot survive on what I'm making, and now that my boyfriend is going to be laid off I need to make more money to help pay rent and buy food... he will be on unemployment until he finds a job, but if we can't afford to live here, he is moving back to vancouver... which is not something I'm looking forward to. :/

edit// okay so I'm so lucky. I will be able to avoid the overdraft fee. :) that makes me feel better, plus there was this video that cracked me up today. here is the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AN5YbfFszlI&feature=fvw

so not a productive weekend

yesterday did not go even close to what I had planned, and today wasn't really any better, and my mood turned sour because I am going to get an over draft fee tomorrow. lame.

I get a few necklaces done and a few earrings, but no work on any bags, which makes me angry. this weekend feels like such a waste. I'm angry. I hate when I have a ton of stuff to do and don't get anything done. It's so frustrating.

other than not being productive, I was choking on something again and am now banning myself from eating "football food" on sundays.

tired

I woke with a headache that lasted most of the day. did a whole bunch of crappy errands... in the rain. hated it.

one good point... got the new moon illustrated movie companion and the bf got a vacuum cleaner. woohoo!! oh and even though errands took up most of my day, I still managed to make some jewelry, but no work on the bags. :/ I kind of hope no one comes over tomorrow, so I can make some more jewelry and bust out some serious work on my bags.

I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

my day with my Lisa

yesterday was a good day, until it came to sleep.

I hung out with my sister (by choice) Lisa. We went out to eat at thai chili, it was bomb. I love curry. :) then we came back and talked and watched role models (She has not seen blades of glory. That is one of my all time favorite movies. Sometimes I wonder how we are friends. lol.) and she told me about maris farms haunted woods, which I don't have the nerve to go to. lol. it was good times. I have missed hanging out with her. We are going to eat at olive garden next time, and we should hang out at her place, so she's not always coming over here. That was pretty much my whole day. :)

so it's done.

I have 6 other blogs. lol.

1. candy couture-exploring my creative journey.

2. beautifully broken wings - my path back to God

3. to do lists- literally my to do list for the day

4. recipe share - my lack of skill in the kitchen and me trying to remedy it.

5. quotes - random quotes from all over the place

6. I devour books - my book review/personal book club thing.

yup. I'm obsessed with blogging. I can't help it. there are too many things I want to share with the world. I wanted one extra blog. one blog to keep all my thoughts, but my thoughts are so scattered across the board I have a total of 8 blogs now. this one, those 6, and the one where I scream at people I'm mad at.

I'm insane. I know it. and I love it. i have a feeling one or more the blogs I just created will be lacking as time goes on, but I will do my best to keep it going strong.

so I noticed that I have lots of OCD tendencies. the one that really irritates me is the "start of the week/month/year" one. whenever I'm wanting to start something it always has to be at the beginning of something. I'm trying hard to rationalize with myself, which is why I started all the blogs now. I want to start something in the middle, the middle of the week, the middle of the month, the last part of the year. it's kind of driving me nuts right now. :/ oh well, it's done.

so I've been setting up my blogs and blogging for the last two and half hours, time for breakfast then whatever is on my to do list. lol. have a great day. :)

oh so obsessed...

I have officially become obsessed with blogging. I know I just started this one a few days ago and I have been a consistent blogger...but I love it. and I love reading other peoples blogs.

the funny thing is... I don't consider myself a people person, but I love hearing random things about other peoples lives. I love learning about new things and absorbing other cultures and seeing beauty as other people see it.

I am struggling with my faith right now. I have had all the tools since I was a young girl, but I haven't practiced. I don't do church, and partly because I think the churches I've gone to seem "dead" to me. I need a church where there are lively people and people on fire for God, and I just haven't found one yet, at least not one I can go to consistently. I found a church I would LOVE to join but I don't live anywhere near it. :/ I think this alone would make for a good blog so I'm going to make a third blog, the first to always remain private and my own, this one for anyone who is interested in following a lot of random things happening in my life and the third one to chronicle my way back to faith.

see, addicted. lol.

ultimately I would love to add three more blogs.

1 full of random quotes that I like for whatever reason from all types of media

2 full of my reviews of books/music

3 another journey, my creative one, getting my name out there in the fashion world.

we will see. I doubt with that many blogs I would have for living. lol.

I guess that will be all for today. laundry is calling my name and wants to be folded. :/

so yesterday...

I finally got my forbearance paid. I'm not sure if I'm happy about that or not.

I have laundry in the washing machine and don't have to worry about lunch because we have leftovers so my morning isn't too bad. I was freaking out this morning. I went to sleep on the couch at about 3:30 because I have a snoring problem and it was keeping my boyfriend awake. I never used to snore that bad, but it's been worse because my sinus problem had gotten worse. anyway, so I noticed it started to rain and it was really loud so it woke me up halfway, then I heard what I thought to be the sound of someone typing but really loud like right in my ear. I figured it was the rain hitting the window but then it got louder, which meant whatever it was it was getting closer to my head... so I bolted up and turned on the light on the other side of the couch... I'm pretty much blind without my glasses or contacts so of course I couldn't see anything, but I think I found the source of the noise. I have a bag of korean candy sitting on my table, all the candies are wrapped, but when I touched the bag it was the exact same noise, so me being me, I'm assuming it was a big spider. lol. In all honesty I have no idea what it was, but I'm avoiding that side of the couch now.

so that woke me up at about 6 this morning and I went back to bed at 7. I am definitely feeling the ick. so far I've kept it at bay, but if I don't get a major amount of good sleep in soon, it won't be long until the ick gets me. I do not want to get sick. I hate being sick. I have enough sinus problems as it is and being sick magnifies it by 1000.

I wanted to start walking in the mornings, and I know this doesn't make sense to anyone that knows me because I'm always cold and it's freezing outside. I have since scrapped the idea because it seems rainy season is already upon us. cold I can manage, cold and wet no way dude.

I'm thinking and hoping that I can get my butt off the couch and do some turbo jam today. or some wii fit. anything to get the blood pumping, but I'm very tired, it might have to wait until after work...either way I am doing one or both today. I'm tired of being fat and not feeling attractive. It doesn't help that I gain weight like pregnant ladies. :/

Ok, on to something less ugh. I'm almost finished reading "if you really loved me" by ann rule. this book is craziness. it's based on a real story that took place in CA in 1985. It's pretty darn good, but has taken me forever to finish. apparently Ann Rule used to work with Ted Bundy. She wrote a book about that and I want to read it.

Now on to something kinda crazy. So my cousin Sanghoon from Korea has been living here the past two years, the first 6 months or so he was living at my parents house, as was I and the boyfriend. So he usually checks in every week with my mom at church or what not, well my mom just went to Korea for two weeks and they were expecting a call because it was Chusok, which is basically like a Korean Thanksgiving, and didn't get one. My mom kept trying to get in touch with him for like two weeks before she left. so no one in the family has heard from him for a month, so we are all kind of freaking out. My parents drove by his place and his car was there but no one was home, they had a church member who lived nearby check on him too, and she said there were lights on but no one answered the door... my parents went back last night to check but I haven't heard anything from them yet. I'm kind of freaking out too. He was supposed to be going back to Korea with my mom, but then he found some type of internship and he wanted to see if he could get a job here. we have no idea what company or where or what he is doing. He was originally here to go to UW, but he had to take a bunch of course at TCC first, he finally got accepted but his parents couldn't afford the tuition plus whatever else they were paying for. My cousin was working and going to school. So after he found out he couldn't afford to go he was planning on going back to Korea then found this internship or whatever. so yeah. always some type of drama in my family. I will be updating about as soon as I find out what's going on.

edit// so my cousin is fine. he got a new phone which is why he wasn't answering his phone, and he wasn't calling my parents back because he hasn't been paying them money for car insurance because he lent money to a friend and hasn't been paid back yet, so I guess he was going to sell his car and get a cheaper one to pay my parents back, and he hadn't sold it yet, so was embarrassed to tell them. Idiot!!! If I was my mom I would've beat him, you know korean style like they do in dramas. just keep calling him pabo(stupid) and slap him upside the head. lol.

blog background...

so I tried to use this blog background and it didn't fit, so I tried to use another one but the html was not right...ugh. they were both super duper cute. maybe if I ever find the time I will make my own.

today was pretty uneventful. watched my niece, who cried all day and wouldn't sleep all day. :/ then came home and yeah. lol. I'm tired and kinda wished I had the rest of the week off. I'm starting to feel under the weather and am in need of lots of extra sleep.

I was super excited for this weekend, because we were going to go down to vancouver, and I was finally going to get burgerville, but now we aren't going and I'm slightly disappointed. :( we might go to the Spooner Farm pumpkin patch but we will see.

New albums I can't wait to get.

memento mori - flyleaf

ellipse - imogen heap

brand new eyes - paramore

crazy love - michael buble

forget and not slow down - reliant k

kaleidoscope - tiesto

I need money. :(

So I will probably be on the phone all day trying to get through to salliemae and make my stupid forbearance payment. paying money so I won't have to pay my loans for 3 months...doesn't make a whole lot of sense but I have no other options.

Today was a slow day. I feel like it should be bedtime and it's only 6:23. lol.

I was freezing at work all day. need to wear thicker socks, and bring a jacket. my boss was fine in a t-shirt...she is pregnant though...

I'm tired. tomorrow I am baby-sitting my niece and going to the parents to hook up a dvd player, and need to stop by the bank.

I am fighting so hard to not get the ick. I have my odwalla wellness and superfood, and am taking extra vitamin c.

I'm done now. my thoughts are coming in far apart and I keep having to re-type my words because I'm that tired. lol.

Football!!!

Okay, not really going to talk about football... but it's football sunday.

I should really be in church right now, but we haven't actively gone out to find one yet. my boyfriend keeps saying if we find a good one he will go, but yeah. we have a church we both really like but it is down in Vancouver, so that really isn't working out. I hope we do find our way down there someday. I really love the area.

I am exhausted.

We have people coming over to watch the hawks game at one, so the boyfriend is out getting pizza and I am cleaning/facebooking/blogging. We really need a vacuum cleaner. the one we have we got from my parents, who got it at a garage sale, and the part where the hose connects to the vacuum is broken so instead of sucking stuff up, it picks it up and spits back out like 2 feet later. :/ I found one I like but have no money to buy it. not having money sucks. I would like to get stuff for sandwiches for lunch but I have like $19 bucks left and my nephews birthday was yesterday so I want to give him some money, sadly only $10 bucks, so I will have to find something else for lunches. I mean it's not like we don't have food, but it's all frozen stuff that I have to cook and blah blah blah. sandwiches are easy.

So I have part of my tote done, at least it's done for now. I am really having a hard time being creative lately. :/ I am scraping the tote for now. I will have to come back to it once I find my creative spirit again, hopefully soon. I have some new ideas for jewelry...just need to actually make it, but have not been in the mood. I am going to get everything ready for my small drawstring bag, but I'm not going to sew it today, just cut it out and embroider it. it's going to be a cute cupcake. I also have some patches that I have made, which were originally going to be fabric bookmarks but I scraped that too, so now I will just make a few more patches, and then put them on a tote. so totally original. all of my totes and drawstring bags will be one of a kind, well, I think some of the designs will be similar, like the cupcake thing will probably be done a few times, but it will be different colors each time, and since they are going to be hand embroidered they won't be the same either, plus I will add rhinestones and other things...but there will never be two that are exactly the same. I think it's a good idea because I'm tired of buying stuff that everyone else has/wears. I love being an individual, and I want people to embrace what makes them, them. I want people to stand out and be different. and I think my tote bags will accomplish that. :)

I hope we find a church, but it is football season so it will be tough to get him out of the house. wish me luck. and it you have suggestions let me know. I am looking for a christian church, preferably baptist roots, but I'm not too picky about that. as long as they preach what's in the bible I'm good. :)

Random realization...

so high school was about 7 years ago...by the way I'm only awake this early on Saturday because my back hurts, I actually got up about 2 hours ago...and 7 years ago this would be the time I would usually be walking through my front door from partying.

wow.

I struggle trying to stay up till midnight now. lol. I have recently been in touch with my PIC, it's been quite awhile since we have hung out, and we talked about how back then if we wanted to meet up and hang out we would call and and be doing something 20 minutes later, and now we have to schedule time to see each other like weeks out. lol. it's just crazy how much things change. I know we all have to grow up but back then I figured I could still be doing the same things now that I was doing back without a problem. I'm sure the fact that I've been in a 5 year relationship drastically changed all of that, because I was single for the last half of high school and having my fun going out to clubs and flirting and obviously that doesn't appeal to you once you find yourself in a relationship...or at least it shouldn't. lol.

Sometimes I feel really old, and really lame. I feel like my party girl has completely disappeared, but then every once in awhile...she comes back and begs me to go out...which I usually don't, but it's kind of nice to know that I haven't lost her completely, and that someday I can let her loose on the world once again, hopefully sooner rather than later. :P (edit/ not at all meaning that I will be single, but that I will find a way to let some careless fun back into my life, because right now I'm too stressed and broke for it)

Friday! :)

Ha! I'm back...so far so good. lol.

So...my boyfriend works for the state and there is a big possibility he will be laid off in November. If he is laid off without finding another job like right then, he will be moving back to Vancouver and I will be moving back in with my parents. Obviously that would make everyone involved, except maybe his grandma, miserable. I unfortunately do not work full-time and would not be able to make the rent. As you can imagine we have been really stressed out, and it's not just recently it's been pretty much since we moved out. Money has become the big irritant in our relationship because I don't make enough to do more than pay off my credit card bills and buy some gas. I really don't want to have to do the long distance relationship thing, because it really took a toll on me emotionally, but maybe it could be a good thing. I mean he basically has a job down there if he wants it, and it would give me time to pay off my credit card debt and save up money without feeling pressured and without feeling bad because I can't contribute to rent and other things. It would be very hard to not be living with my boyfriend, and I really don't want it to come to that, but I'm just trying to see some kind of silver lining in this situation...so I won't go crazy.

On a similar note...I hate credit cards. Once these bad boys are paid off they are gone. It's really sad that I have credit card debt but if I didn't have them I wouldn't have gotten through school. It was so expensive, and you never knew what would come up that you would need money for and I couldn't just expect my parents to have $300 dollars right then so I could buy fabric and whatever else I needed. *sigh* all that money spent and I am not doing anything with my degree. I don't regret going to school, but I regret things about it, like I should've taken all of my general education classes at community college first...and I shouldn't have slacked off so bad that one quarter because it caused me to fail two classes because the finals for those classes went hand in hand...

On a different note...I'm totally addicted to so many shows right now. I freaking love big bang theory, modern family, cougar town and flash forward & I've been watching reruns of numbers...I like it. Shows that I'm still feeling but not loving include how I met your mother, and grey's anatomy. They have been sadly disappointing so far this season. Shows that I want to watch, but haven't/don't because they are on at the same time as shows I love...glee, gossip girl, vampire diaries, parks and recreations, the office and private practice & project runway (because I'm already in bed.)

Today has just been a weird kind of day. I've felt happy, sad, worried, bored, excited. I've been all over the board today. lol. I'm glad it's the weekend because I need to relax, of course knowing me I won't be able to and I will try to get too many things done and by the time the weekend is over I won't feel like I relaxed at all and probably won't have anything finished that I started. lol. But that's my life. :)

Welcome!

So, I already have a blog, but I mainly use it when I get frustrated so I can secretly yell at whoever I'm mad at. It's basically just a space where I can let off some steam when I'm having a bad day and a place where I can "think things out loud", without the fear of judgement.

I am starting this blog because I have gotten in touch with a lot of old friends and have met a bunch of new friends, and I guess I just want everyone to see what I'm all about. I have changed a lot since my school days, and I have learned a lot about life and myself, but I feel like my life is really just beginning...and that I'm just now starting to find out who I really am and who I really want to be and I have a feeling it will be an amazing journey, with lots of good stories, friends, bumps, and fun along the way. I am planning to update daily and have picture once in awhile, but as life usually does, it tend to get in the way of things, so we shall see.

Here is a little blurb about me.

I have a Bachelors Degree in Fashion Design which is not being used at this moment. I work for Farmers Insurance as an agency producer, not an agent, it's similar but different. I am making jewelry and selling it online at www.artfire.com/users/candycouture. I am hoping to make enough money from my jewelry to move into clothing, but for now it's jewelry and whatever else I have time and money to come up with. I have a black cat named Chiyo-Chan. I named her after an anime character from Azumanga Daioh, because she was cute. Azumanga gets really weird towards the end. Obviously I like anime and manga. I will forever love the same things I loved when I was 8, this included hello kitty, fruit roll ups, cereal with marshmallows, and whatever else reminds of the simpleness of being a kid. :)

I live with my boyfriend of 5 years. I heart him! I met him online when I was in high school and we were friends for like 2 or 3 years, before we finally met and fell madly in love. He doesn't like the cat so much but lets her stick around because of me. I love books!!! I devour them!! If a book catches my interest in the beginning, I can't put it down. Yes, I have read the twilight series, yes I loved it, but luckily I love books enough that I can read others one and still find them fascinating. Twilight did not ruin me, but I was sad when I finally came to realize that Edward was not real. It's okay though, I have my Kyung and he's way better anyway. I love all kinds of book, and really want to read some about cowboys...it probably stems from my obsession with farming games, yes I have all the ones of facebook, but I also have several harvest moon games. I am beyond a fan of music. Without music my life would be empty. I can always find a song that fits my mood and lyrics that speak to what I'm feeling or going through. I like almost all genres of music, but country is hard for me to digest. Music makes my soul smile. Do not be too surprised to see a book review or a list of what I'm currently listening to. I love to share my passions! :)

So I guess that wasn't so little, but sometimes I just get going and can't stop. Also, sometimes my thoughts don't get completed...so it's just a random sentence that doesn't really fit anywhere. I will try to fix that, but my mind is almost always running a mile a minute...on that note...

Let the journey begin! :)